Growing up in a small
town in Maine, my Jewish identity was defined by cultural Jewish experiences
like visiting my grandparents in Long Island where I enjoyed bagel, lox, and
cream cheese, knishes and other culturally Jewish delicacies; it was a small
taste of what living a Jewish life could mean. It was not until I participated
in a Mayanot Birthright trip during my sophomore year in college that I
experienced and became intrigued by Judaism and was eager to learn more.
As a curious teenager, I
had a lot of questions about life and I was unable to find satisfying answers.
So, I embarked on a journey of Jewish learning that included studying at the
Mayanot Women’s Program in Jerusalem, which was an unforgettable experience.
After studying at
Mayanot, I slowly began adopting practices such as keeping Kosher and
attempting to keep Shabbat. When I met my husband, AJ, it was the first time I
found someone who came from a similar background, yet was moving in a similar
direction. AJ grew up in a Reform synagogue in San Francisco, and became more
observant during business school. Together, we are currently paving our path
and still figuring out what kind of Jewish home we will keep.
We decided that although
we are still growing in our observance and haven’t committed to all observant
traditions and practices, it was very important to us to have an Orthodox
wedding. There were several reasons to this, but a few included: We wanted all
of our guests to feel comfortable. Some of our closest friends are Orthodox and
will only eat Kosher food that is under the supervision of a Rabbi.
Additionally, many men will only dance with men and women with women. Also, the
meaning behind a traditional Jewish ceremony was extremely intriguing to us. It
was important that our wedding was a spiritual and elevating experience, not
just a party. And lastly, the few Orthodox weddings I had been to in the past
were the most moving, exciting, and meaningful.
Obviously, this added a
level of complexity when the planning process began because neither my mother
nor future mother-in-law had ever been to an Orthodox wedding. The first
challenge we faced was deciding where to have the wedding. If we decided to
have the wedding in Maine, we would have had to bring Kosher food up from
Boston. This just seemed crazy. So, we decided to have the wedding in San
Francisco, where we could find Kosher food and had AJ’s mom on the ground to
help with the planning. Next, we could only serve Kosher Mevushal wine. In the
end, we separately ordered the wine from the rest of the alcohol from a
distributor in Chicago.
Choosing a band was also challenging. We wanted a band that could play “simcha” music (Hora style music), but a
band that could also play American music, as well. We ended up bringing a band
from Los Angeles. Also, we decided that the first 25 minutes would be separate
dancing and the rest of the wedding would be mixed. One of the only pre-wedding
nightmares I had was about this particular part of the wedding. I worried
guests would not want to participate in the separate dancing or that nobody
would know what was going on! Fortunately, the separation occurred organically
and it seemed as though most of our guests really enjoyed and appreciated this
part.
AJ and I decided to not
see each other the week before the wedding. However, our parents felt very
strongly about having a dinner the night before the wedding with our immediate
and extended families. We wanted to respect their request, especially since
they were so supportive of our choice to have an Orthodox wedding, so we did
not see each other for the entire week up until the wedding, and sat at
different tables during the dinner and did everything we could to avoid eye
contact. We wanted the moment at the Bedeken (veiling ceremony) to be as
special as possible. Many argue the Bedeken goes back to biblical times when
Jacob married Leah by accident because her face was veiled, when he really
wanted to marry Rachel. Others say it is the groom publicly demonstrating that
his love and affection for his new bride goes beyond physical beauty; he loves
her for what he cannot see. The Bedeken added a complexity to the photography
schedule. Our photographer wanted to take group and family photos before the
wedding, which is commonly done. However, we decided we would hold out for the
Bedeken and do group pictures during cocktail hour. We wanted our first
interaction to be at the veiling.
In
the end, it all paid off despite the added challenges of planning a wedding
that nobody in our family had experienced before. The minute AJ was ushered out
of the Tisch escorted by his father and my father, our friends, and family he
approached me and pulled my veil over my face, and leaned in and whispered
loving words in my ear. I was flooded with emotion and gratitude that not only
was I marrying my beshert (soulmate), but I was participating in a tradition that goes
back thousands of years and I have the privilege of living in a time where I
can be Jewish openly, and proudly live a Jewish life. I am so grateful to
my teachers and friends from Mayanot who supported me along
my Jewish journey.
After growing up in non-observant Reform Jewish
households, Anna & AJ Prager now live in the Pico Robertson community in
Los Angeles, which is typically very traditional. They recently moved from
Chicago where Anna was attending graduate school at the University of Chicago.
Anna loves to cook, bake challah, host Shabbos meals, and enjoys her daily
fitness classes at Equinox with AJ!
