Interviewed By: Chelsea Shar, Mayanot Women's Program Alumni 2015
One of the hardest things in life is being truly open and authentic
with oneself. Most of us will fail to admit this to ourselves let alone to anyone
else. We constantly hide behind shields, defense mechanisms, quirks, humor,
anger-management issues etc etc etc. Some of us even hide behind psychologists
thinking we know who we are; thinking we are being open with ourselves. But the
truth is we are all just playing the game; some trying their best to follow the
rules, others to break them.
Mayanot is one of those special places where you get to redefine
the game completely. Mayanot, in some way or other, forces you to be open and
authentic with yourself – whether this clarity is experienced immediately while
studying at Mayanot or subsequently in the self-reflection aftermath. Not only
was I honored to experience this redefinition personally, but during my 5
months at Mayanot I was privileged enough to witness it in others. And I would
like to share with you one story in particular of a woman who came in seeing
only black and white, mostly black, and left seeing grey.
This woman, who shall remain anonymous, is one of the most
determined and ambitious people you will ever meet. She has a Bachelor of Arts
in Middle Eastern Studies and Business Administration and an LLM in International
Human Rights Law. She speaks 4 languages fluently (English, German, French and
Hebrew); is a complete intellectual, always searching for
and absorbing as much information as possible; and is a champion of an athlete.
Before Mayanot her goal in life was always to reach the top of the
Mountain as quickly and directly as possible. She would not veer off the path
until she reached her destination. Life was black and white – there could be
only one answer, one truth, one perspective. Like every other woman who has
stepped foot into Mayanot, she entered with all her attitudes and preconceived
notions of life. Life, religion, G-d, Judaism were already defined and
delineated. So why come to Mayanot? Well to see what it’s all about. However,
truthfully, Mayanot was just a way to examine whether ‘what it’s all about’
fitted into those preconceived notions and attitudes.
At the outset she questioned everything. But she questioned before
she even listened (listening and hearing are different things entirely) and so her
questioning was founded on ulterior motives. After about a month she realized
this approach was not working. With the advice of a friend at Mayanot she
learnt that her vessel was too full. All her previously defined and delineated
notions were too preconceived, leaving no space for more, new and different
information to enter. And so she emptied her vessel, which allowed her to
listen, not just to hear. Still at Mayanot, this amazing woman still questions,
but now her questions and her questioning comes from a different place.
She realized that life, religion, G-d, Judaism is not black and
white. We proclaim in the ‘Shema’ everyday, “G-d is one and G-d’s unity is
definite”. This woman realized, like most others that come through the
incredibly transformative doors of Mayanot, although G-d is one, and G-d’s
unity is definite, everything else is grey.
