Written by: Ahron Tzvi Altman, Mayanot Men's Program Alum
in partnership with his mother, Dr. Pamela Klonoff for the Meaningful Life Center essay competition
Dedicated
to Eugene Snyder OBM 15 Tevet 5775
I have worked as a psychotherapist
for almost 30 years in a holistic rehabilitation setting helping patients with
devastating brain injuries regain their independence, meaning in life, and a
“new normal.” I have journeyed with many
people enduring unbearable psychic pain using my formal education and clinical
experience to guide me. Over the past
four years, I have been introduced to the concepts of Chassidus, which have so
greatly enriched and clarified my professional mission - namely that which is
stated in the Torah during the first day of Creation (Bereishit 1:3),
"Yehi ohr." This is generally
translated as "Let there be light", but should be read as “It should
become light” (Tzvi Freeman, Chabad.org).
Growing up Jewish, but with a secular mindset, I thought life's events
were "random." Yet
instinctively, I've always wanted to catalyze the healing process. Thanks to Chassidus, I now understand that
through the power of Divine Providence, I can best "reveal the light in
places of darkness."
One of the most far reaching
innovations of Chassidus is its understanding of "Divine Providence" (Hashgacha
Pratit), which refers to how G-d supervises and directs every detail of
creation (HaYom Yom 29 Sivan). It is what brought my son from the beaches of
Miami to Mayanot Yeshiva in Israel almost four years ago. Divine Providence brought me and my husband
to Israel in 5772 and 5773. It couldn't
be "chance" that we met Rabbi Sholom Brodt who had taught my husband
40 years earlier and was instrumental in furthering his Jewish education at a
juncture where this was in jeopardy. Now
through Divine Providence, this rabbi and my son share many hours studying
Torah in Jerusalem. It couldn't be
"coincidence" that I would meet three students from Winnipeg at Rabbi
Yossi Witkes' home, one of whom was my cousin in-law’s son. Most importantly, I was beginning to see that
there was a Divine purpose for me to bring more light to my patients’
lives. For example, two core principles
of structure in life and work we strive to embed in our rehabilitation approach
were already addressed by the Lubavitcher Rebbe 40 years ago when he stated “I
believe the best help that can be given to your son...is to get him to work and
that he would get used to a routine and orderly life” (Letter from 12th Nissan,
5734).
In Israel, I began to see how others
reveal light in places of darkness through the power of Divine Providence. While at a Shabbos meal, I was profoundly
moved by Rabbi Yossi Swerdlov and his wife Hindel’s story of their daughter’s
tragic death and how they combat the darkness through the donation of
children's books to Shula’s Library (www.shulaslibrary.com). Later, we visited an amazing kibbutz in the
Galilee called Kishorit, founded by parents of
individuals with special needs. Lives
are brightened and enlightened through socialization, collaboration, and working
in an integrated community. I was struck
by how many of the principles were akin to where I work – a therapeutic milieu
founded on nurturance and rebuilding purposeful and meaningful lives. Upon my
return, I gave a PowerPoint presentation to my program’s staff about Kishorit’s
philosophy – the common bonds were so uplifting and soul nourishing. I then launched a strategic plan to intensify
our rehabilitation efforts. In my eyes, those
experiences emphasize how "Your essential self lies in an inseverable bond
with the Source of Light. And from there
it extends a glimmer of itself below to illuminate the darkness" (Tzvi
Freeman, chabad.org).
After returning from my trip to
Israel, I encountered tumult at work. As a team leader, I was experiencing
inexplicable and unprecedented negativism.
In 25 years of team cohesion and positivity, this was debilitating and
heart breaking. I was thrown into an
existential funk, questioning myself, my life’s work, and my purpose. I personalized the enmity and seriously toyed
with leaving the institute, feeling overpowered and overwhelmed. "When you
come to a place that seems outside of G-d's realm, too coarse for light to
enter, and you want to run away - know that there is no place outside of G-d,
and rejoice in your task of uncovering Him there" (Tzvi Freeman,
chabad.org).
I knew I needed spiritual guidance
and a way to make sense of my adversity.
I gravitated to Chassidic teachings and the concept of "good versus
evil." The quote from the previous
Lubavitcher Rebbe "you don't beat darkness with a stick. You add light" inspired me to focus on
positive change rather than embitterment.
My son helped by introducing me to the book “Toward a Meaningful Life”
by Simon Jacobson (2004). Through Divine
Providence, we had already received a copy through a Purim Shalach Manot
package given by Chabad of Scottsdale. I began to read portions of the book every
morning before going to work. I derived
huge solace from concepts such as facing fear and anxiety; viewing pain and
suffering as seeds of growth; and the true meaning of work and
productivity. With renewed courage, I
took the necessary steps to reconfigure the team, from which emerged even
stronger and more compassionate and devoted therapists. As the Lubavitcher Rebbe said "evil is
not a thing or force, but merely the absence or concealment of good. One need not 'defeat' the evil in the world,
one need only bring to light its inherent goodness."
I desired to add more light at work
to lessen others’ darkness. One day I was
meeting with families whose loved ones had sustained brain injuries. They were lamenting about the recent Sandy
Hook school tragedy, which refilled their deep wells of sorrow. I was overcome by their pain as they tearfully
and woefully recounted the circumstances of their loved one's brain injuries -
horrific accidents and devastating losses. They seemed inconsolable. Earlier that week, I had been speaking with
my son about the tragedies of life, and he reminded me that the Lubavitcher
Rebbe said "where light is, darkness is not. A thimbleful of light will therefore banish a
roomful of darkness." I shared this
sentiment with the families; there was a palpable pause in their reflections; incredibly
the tide turned to describing rays of light – caring souls bringing meals,
cleaning their homes, going to the grocery store - seemingly trivial offerings
which created islands of solace and hopefulness. Through the power of Divine Providence, I had
encouraged others to find light in moments of darkness.
“A man’s steps are made firm by
G-d. When a Jew arrives at a particular
place, this is for the purpose of doing a mitzvah” (HaYom Yom 10 Tammuz). Two
years ago, through Divine Providence, I met a Jewish man and his wife, Eugene
and Roz Snyder. They were referred to me
in desperation struggling with emotional upheaval caused by Eugene’s highly
malignant brain tumor. My Chassidic
education was the best therapeutic bond I had with them. I used the concept of mine and their
"mitzvahs” to help them find light during their dark days. When they aborted a trip to Israel due to his
failing health, I put notes in the Western Wall for them. I gave them a beautiful pottery pomegranate
from the Jerusalem shuk as a symbol of the 613 mitzvoth - their tears of joy
radiated light. I brought matzah from Israel, symbolizing “the bread of healing.”
We read "Chicken Soup to Warm the Neshamah" (Burston & Burston,
2003). Eugene shared how he toiled on a
granddaughter’s Bat Mitzvah speech far in advance, knowing he may be too ill to
communicate his words of joy and admiration.
Even when he deteriorated to not walking or talking, he refused to
succumb to the darkness, finding sources of light through his faith and family
(wife, children, and grandchildren). He
spread light to my life and his Jewish community, because of his legacy of mentshlekhkeyt. It seems
fitting to dedicate this essay on light to one who shed so much light and
goodness.
"Making a good start sets off a
good chain of reaction for continued success" (Lubavitcher Rebbe, Letter
from 27th Elul, 5717). I
wanted to extend my new-found Chabad principles into other venues, such as my
professional writings. In a book on
psychotherapy for families, I created a case study about two sisters, one of
whom had a stroke (Klonoff, 2014). I portrayed
how the Chabad-Lubavitch community fortified them through acts of
kindness. This in turn galvanized them
to perform mitzvahs for others. I hoped
to indelibly spread the message of light overcoming darkness.
Despite my personal, professional,
and spiritual growth, I know my mission in revealing light is unending. Chassidus continues to guide me to unearth
the light and dispel darkness wherever and whenever I can, starting with small
glimmers. I remind myself often that
"The next step is ours. By doing
one more good deed....we will tip the scale, the light of knowledge and the
goodness of G-d" (Jacobson, 2004, p. 279).